Presidential
Inauguration Celebration Sneak Preview
President
Elect Donald J. Trump will be sworn in as the 45th President of the
United States on January 21, 2017. Here
is a preview of what should be prove to be an historic event in our nation’s
history.
The all-white, hopeless blue collar worker cast of "Remember Us?" will perform one show for the Democratic National
Committee.
Miss
Supply Side Economics 2017 will be chosen in the first beauty
pageant ever held in the White House.
The President himself will select the winner and runners up. “Great tits, a tight ass, and abiding faith
in trickle-down theory” tweeted President Elect Trump.
Black and Hispanic Trump supporters will be given key positions
in the Trump administration. “We have
many openings at Trump properties world-wide”, said a spokesman. Grounds keeping, kitchen help, maintenance
and housekeeping are just a few of the departments available to his loyal
supporters of color. Easter European immigrants
on temporary visas will supplement any short-fall in the relatively small pool
of candidates.
Children won’t be left out at the inaugural. Do As I
Say, Not As I Do, a puppet show hosted by Barron Trump will help young
children process unfair and confusing messages about President Elect Trump propagated
by the Liberal Media and terrified parents.
Dr. Ben Carson will play former president Barack Obama
in a special episode of Celebrity Apprentice.
Dr. Carson’s only line will be “Yes’m Massa”, when President Trump
delivers his signature “You’re fired!”
line.
President Elect Trump, in a magnanimous gesture, will
throw a “No Hard Feelings” black tie gala
for all of his detractors in the Republican National Committee. Gala attendees will board a black, unmarked
Lockheed C-5 Galaxy to whisk them away to a very special Caribbean destination. Mitt Romney, Jeff Flake, the Bush clan and
all the rest will shed formal wear and don festive orange jumpsuits after de-lousing.
Hillary Clinton will be arrested and paraded in
shackles down Main Street in every dying rust belt city from Wisconsin to Ohio
to allow Trump supporters to blow off steam and distract them from Trump’s lobbyist
dictated cabinet picks. Trump Signature Eggs will be for sale.
Video footage from the 2016 Special Olympics will be looped in the East Room to provide easy laughs for The Donald whenever totally
unfair anti-Trump protests make him sad.
Anthony
Senecal, Trumps personal butler at Mar A Lago, famous for suggesting Barack Obama should be killed, will
play God in a one-man performance piece for white evangelical Trump voters. God
will reflect on creating The New Messiah
and validate the beliefs of the faithful that Trump’s election was a divinely
inspired scheme to get rid of the queers once and for all.
After stiffing the businesses providing food,
beverages, and entertainment for the gala, White House furnishings will be sold
at auction and the building will be flipped before its value plummets along
with President Trump’s poll numbers.
Trumps female accusers, women who came forward during
the campaign with tales of past sexual assault, will be forced to serve drinks
wearing Playboy Bunny costumes to Trump advisors. Corey Lewandowski will pummel those deemed
not sufficiently deferential.
Negro lawn jockeys will top the big, beautiful new
wall that will go up around Trump Tower, the new executive residence. Actual Negros dressed as jockeys will sing and
dance for the President at the Inaugural Gala.
The Bible will be replaced by contemporary literature
during Trumps swearing-in. Justice John
Roberts will draw from titles such as Trump: The Art of the Deal, Trump: How To Get Rich, Donald Trump: Think Like A Champion, Atlas Shrugged, The
Fountain Head, The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, Mein Kampf, and a heavily
redacted copy of the United States Tax Code.
Rudy Guiliani and the voices in his head will conduct
a seminar Marshall Law: Follow The Rules And You Won’t Have Anything To
Worry About.
In an unexpected nod to gun control advocates, Trump
will unveil a plan to take away the guns of soon to be disillusioned supporters
who realize they’ve been duped. “We’ll give ‘em back when a Muslim gets
elected. As if!”, tweeted
Trump.
Khizer
and Ghazala Khan will be given a going away gift, a case
of Trump Signature Pork Chops before
being whisked away on a black Lockheed C-5 Galaxy to “wherever the hell they
came from”, tweeted Trump.
The White House Press Corp will be lined up and
summarily shot at sunrise on Inauguration Day.
Loved ones will be billed for bullets.
The GOP will erect a Big White Tent of Inclusion on the Mall.
Don’t miss it. Demographics
suggest it will be a temporary structure.
Enjoy the Big Day!
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