No surprise

We Are The Forty-Seven Percent

Surprised?  The way we're surprised when morning

follows night, at fuzz on a peach, the sea seeks

the moon, coffee keeps us up, lions eat

their kill, hens lay eggs, eggs beget chickens,

pencils go dull, fox sox box, sourdough

rises, stocks fall, the dog's wet nose, morning

dew, money talks, glass cracks, the haunting past,

Ellington swings, the knuckleball breaks, our

dad’s face in the mirror, mesmerizing

screens, bee's make honey, wine from grapes, the stroke

of a brush, the turn of a phrase, a well

turned leg, thirst and hunger, doubt and fear, am

I surprised?  The way I’m surprised when we

ignore the past, bow down to magic, see

Black or White, fall prey to fear; the prowling

mob bays for blood, bestows the crown of blame.

No Apology Needed

But Mr. Romney came under withering criticism for distorting the chain of events overseas and appearing to seek political advantage from an attack that claimed American lives. A statement he personally approved characterized an appeal for religious tolerance issued by the American Embassy in Cairo as sympathy for the attackers even though the violence did not occur until hours after the embassy statement. Mr. Romney on Wednesday said the embassy statement, which was disavowed by the administration, was “akin to apology, and I think was a severe miscalculation.”

New York Times, September 13, 2012

Governor Romney defended his statement to a reporter at a campaign event in Jacksonville, quoting a line from a 1971 film starring Ryan O’Neal and Ali McGraw.  “You know at the end of Love Story, when Oliver Barrett IV is paying tearful tribute to Jennifer Cavilleri?  And he says ‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry’?  Know what?  He was right, fella.  I love America and as President, gosh darn it, I’ll never, ever say I’m sorry or apologize for anything.”  

In an impromptu and sometimes rambling speech, Romney went on to give examples of situations in which he would offer no apology.  

Domestic relations:  “Ann’s always harping at me to put the seat down when I’m done doing my business.  I’ve been a businessman all my life.  I think I know a little something about input and output, about the importance of keeping a firm grip on the old tiller.  Ladies, you need to look before you sit, it’s just that simple.  You don’t need a big government program to do it for you.  Yeah, so someone left the seat up, so what?  You want to be able to say, ‘I’m woman, hear me roar. I did that.  I put that seat down.’ ”

Mormon Doctrine:  “From 1848 to 1978, black people couldn’t be priests or take part in ceremonies in the Mormon Temple.  This was perfectly reasonable and rational at the time based on our understanding of scripture.  Blacks, unfortunately, carry the Curse of Ham so naturally we couldn’t just let them go traipsing around like curse-free white people.  Then in 1978 poof, gone!  The ban was lifted, story over.   Turns out it was just a silly typo in Joseph Smith’s original transcription.”

History:  “After Pearl Harbor Japanese-Americans on the West Coast were really worried for their personal safety.  Folks, let me tell you something.  Americans are the world’s greatest humanitarians.  We put those poor, unfortunate citizens in protective custody.  It was a little like the Italian witness protection program with sushi instead of meatball sandwiches.  Those lucky people rode out the war in comfort with plenty of fresh air, picturesque mountain views, safe from sunami’s and anime.  Apologize for what?  Sending people on a long vacation out west on the government’s dime?”  

Medicine:  “How about the Tuskegee Syphilis Study?  A bunch of poor, illiterate black sharecroppers thought they were getting free government funded health care for life.  Turns out, the U.S. Public Health Service was conducting a secret experiment to study the effects of untreated syphilis over decades.  My friends, this is exactly why I will end Obamacare on my first day in office.  This kind of thing would never happen in the private sector where market forces can always be relied on to keep our citizens safe and healthy while turning a profit for the rest of us risk takers.”

Infamous “corporations are people” comment:  “Corporations are people, my friend.  End of story.  Mothers, you may want to take the kids outside for this next part.  Corporations are fully developed people right from the moment of conception.  Sperm, what I like to call capital impregnates the egg or the means of production deep within the womb, known as unfettered markets.  The embryo grows bigger every day, eventually growing a little penis in place of gills and a tail.  The government tries its best to end the pregnancy but God in the form of the Supreme Court intervenes.  The baby is born and grows to be a man, a straight one I might add.  Later, if the man gets sick, medical specialists from Bain Capital prescribe proven treatments like bleeding and trepanning.  Apologize?  For what, preserving a life?  For being fairly compensated for performing a medical miracle?  Never.” 

HOUSTON — Less than four years after President Obama swept into the White House with the overwhelming support of black voters, Mitt Romney appeared on Wednesday before the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People with a bold claim: “If you want a president who will make things better in the African-American community, you are looking at him,” Mr. Romney said.

His assertion was met with cackles and boos — as well as some tepid applause — and was emblematic of his entire speech, in which he tried to appeal to African-Americans, while still offering some tough medicine and policy prescriptions unpopular with them.

New York Times, July 12, 2012

PROVINCETOWN -  It was a steamy afternoon when Mitt Romney stepped up to the podium here at the very tip of Cape Cod during the annual Carnival Parade sponsored by GLAD (Gay, Lesbian, Advocates and Defenders).  The former Massachusetts governor seemed to recoil from the large microphone hovering before him at nose level.  The speaker ahead of him, Carnival Queen Crepe Suzette, came to Romney’s rescue, dramatically adjusting the microphone to an upturned angle inches from the presumptive candidates gaping mouth.  The six foot, seven inch Suzette mimed grabbing Romney’s posterior as she left the stage, drawing an appreciative roar from the glittering crowd.  Daye Lily, a parade organizer seated just to Romney’s rear, remarked later “his butt cheeks snapped shut like a rusty leg trap.  You could hear them clear over in Lake Winnipesaukee.”  Romney seemed to rally, exhorting the crowd to get behind him:  “If you’re looking for a good man, a man uniquely qualified for this nation’s top position, a man who won’t gag on the deplorable radical socialist agenda of the majority in the Senate, a man unafraid to wrestle this country’s economic problems into submission, you are looking at him.” 

Romney seemed confused by the enthusiastic response from the crowd, grinning nervously, large dark stains spreading  out from the sleeves of his blue blazer.  Unblinking, he appeared frozen in place as he joined the crowd in singing “Over The Rainbow”. 

FLINT – Dirty gray clouds hung low over this forlorn city, home to shuttered manufacturing plants, darkened streets and a conspicuous absence of law enforcement.  A small crowd of the homeless, robust looking rats and what appeared to be, at first glance, left-over Halloween skeletons dressed in filthy rags gathered in front of the stage.  Mitt Romney bounded up the stairs to the rousing power chords of “Born Free”, his campaign anthem by fellow Michigander Kid Rock.  “Hello, Flint!  Are you ready to rock?” 

Romney’s hale hearty query was met with silence save for the sound of a cold, greasy wind blowing debris among the abandoned, burned-out buildings.  The crowd edged closer to the stage, eyeing Romney’s TAG-Heuer watch and Bontoni hand-made Italian shoes. 

“I’m here to talk about jobs!”  The crowd pressed in, oblivious to the small Secret Service detachment guarding the stage. 

“Good jobs, lots of jobs.  Why, jobs enough for each of you to have five or six apiece.  That is, if you’re willing to work hard, sacrifice, wean yourselves off free stuff from the government!” 

The crowd fell upon the agents and began eating them alive.  Romney stuck to his prepared speech despite their anguished screams.  “I’m talking jobs my friends, strangely familiar jobs, one’s you’d recognize right off the bat, the kind of jobs they’ve got over in China and India!”

The bloody crowd lurched onto the stage.  Romney ran in place for what seemed like minutes before his feet caught purchase.  He barely escaped by jumping into a waiting Suburban that sped off down the deserted street.

ATTICA – Sunlight glinted off the barrels of the fifty caliber machine guns that swiveled in the guard towers surrounding the yard.  It was, decidedly, a strange place for a campaign rally, given inmates don’t have the right to vote.  But the Romney team decided it was time for out-of-the-box thinking, aware of the impact a large, televised captive audience could make, especially if the location was misrepresented as Branson, Missouri.  “Any bankers or CEO’s in the house tonight?  Ha ha, just kidding, my friends.  This place is for real criminals, drug dealers and the like.” 

The crowd seethed.  Sharp shooters sprayed a volley of rounds into the dirt just in front of the stage.  “Can’t wait to sample some of that good Branson barbecue I’ve heard so much about”, Romney said, winking at a large, tattooed inmate in the front row.  “My good friend Johnny Cash said it best when he sang for the convicted prisoners at Folsum Prison, and I’m paraphrasing here so bear with me:  ‘I bet there are rich folks eating in a fancy dining car, they are probably drinking coffee and smoking fine cigars’.  Wait a minute, that’s not right.  I meant the line ‘I know I had it coming, I know I can’t be free’.  “

A riot ensued and the warden declared a lockdown.  Romney boarded a helicopter, but not before imploring the inmates to encourage their “poor, broken hearted mother’s and father’s, too, for those of you who have one, assuming they don’t have any outstanding felonies and they meet the myriad individual state requirements, to vote for me in November!”

Mitt's forbidden desires

Sweet Cranbrook Memories

Mere schoolboy Hijinks:

Hold ‘em down!  Sweat on lip, Blood

Up, Surging; Bewitched!

News item

Mr. Romney has been under attack for 48 hours over his role at Bain Capital, the investment firm he helped found. Gov. Rick Perry of Texas equated firms like Bain to “vultures,” and Newt Gingrich demanded answers from Mr. Romney about how many jobs were lost on his watch.

New York Times, January 10, 2012

President Bashar al-Assad had harsh words today for North Korea’s new leader, Kim Jong-un, calling him a “big fat bully”.  Assad made a tearful plea for free and democratic elections in North Korea.   Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin added “ditto.” 

Mickey Mouse was the target of a withering attack last evening leveled by Mighty Mouse, Jerry, Speedy Gonzalez and Danger Mouse.  The four appeared on MSNBC.  They accused the popular Disney personality of eating cheese, possessing twitchy whiskers and behaving in a furtive, rodent-like manner. 

MLB’s National League went on the offensive against the American League.  The NL is flabbergasted over the AL’s slavish insistence on playing nine inning games, saying “they should be ashamed of themselves”.  The NL went on to condemn the AL’s reliance on stats, linear base paths and playing organ music during games. 

An indignant and drunken NBC railed loudly about “the crap that passes for good television” on the other two networks.  NBC’s tirade was captured on video and has gone viral.  The disheveled network can be seen gripping the bar for balance and sloshing drinks on other patrons while hurling vile invective at CBS and ABC.   “Reality shows, my ass!  They want reality?  Here’s reality”, NBC screamed at the TV above the bar, then vomited on a woman seated on the next stool.  PBS, who had been drinking quietly in the corner, offered her his coat and the two left together. 

The National Mining Association held a press conference on a leveled mountain top in West Virginia to condemn the American Gas Association’s support of hydraulic fracturing.  Under a big Clean Coal banner, a spokesman for the NMA presented scientific evidence suggesting the practice known as fracking poisons ground water, exposes local populations to high levels of toxins and contributes to global warming.  A spokesman for the Keystone XL pipeline, commenting later, accused the NMA of environmental terrorism and characterized them as “tree huggers and pansy-ass liberal elites.”

Coke declared war on Pepsi Thursday.  “They must be stopped”, said a Coke representative.  He cited skyrocketing rates of childhood obesity, diabetes and tooth decay as “our national shame.”  He compared Pepsico to a drug cartel pushing high fructose corn syrup and caffeine to the nation’s youth.  “Go into any mom and pop corner store”, said the Coke man, “it’s in vending machines, Grandmothers serve it, for God’s sake.”  He called on Pepsi to divulge it’s secret ingredients and urged the multinational to shift its business to free tap water and hand squeezed apricot juice. 

They're Playing Our Song

They're Playing Our Song

Mitt Romney is ready to rock. The Republican presidential candidate will use Kid Rocks' Born Free as his 2012 campaign theme song. The patriotic pick, first reported by the Detroit News, comes as Romney tries to shake the image that he's a buttoned up elitist who has little in common with the average American.

New York Daily News, December 8, 2011

December 9, 2011 Kid Rock tweets, “Mitt is one fucking awesome dude. Dude's got rock chops and some awesome licks. Rom's great live. Incredibly fucking awesome.”

December 9, 2011 Mitt Romney moderates a round table at the Corktown bar in Munising, a small town in Michigan's Upper Penninsula. He poses for photos in Carhart coveralls and wide brim homburg, does schnapps shooters with locals.

December 11, 2011 Newt Gingrich's team announces that it has selected Howlin Wolf's Three Hundred Pounds of Joy as it's 2012 campaign song. A spokesman for the campaign said “Newt's proud of his body, particularly his lower abdomen and thighs. We think the song strikes the right note at a critical time in America history.”

December 13, 2011 Kid Rock tweets, “Woke up after partying all week. How did my car wind up at the bottom of the pool? Worse, did I endorse Mitt Romney?”

December 14, 2011 A spokesman for Republican presidential hopeful Michelle Bachmann announces she has selected Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl as it's 2012 campaign song. “Ms. Bachmann's been planning on coming out for some time. The timing just seemed right, just before the Iowa Caucus and we wanted dibs on the song before Herman Cain snatched it up.”

December 14, 2011 Herman Cain reminds America that he only suspended his campaign, he never kissed a girl and gave an icy "no comment" to the word snatch. “The American people know what they want, the Searchers, Love Potion Number Nine, Nine, Nine. It's simple, it's catchy.”

December 16, 2011 Kid Rock tweets, “Romney is driving me nuts. The texts, friending requests. Can't he just leave me alone?”

December 17, 2011 In a bold bid to court the Hispanic vote, Governor Rick Perry announces he has selected Mexican Jumping Bean by Paul Whiteman as his campaign song. In a statement from his Texas hunting club, Person of Color Head, Perry said “I may not be schooled and all, but I know the good Lord must love Mexicans because he made so many of 'em.”

December 20, 2011 The remaining seven candidates for the Republican presidential nomination were embroiled in a heated exchange at a Las Vegas debate over claims to the Procol Harem song, Whiter Shade of Pale. Herman Cain, in a written statement, adopted the Beatles Revolution Number Nine, Nine, Nine, ironically from the White Album. Later, Cain said he thought it was from Magical Mystery Tour.

December 24, 2011 In a bold move to court the Christmas spirit vote, Governor Rick Perry announces Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer by Randy Brooks as his 2012 campaign song.

December 26, 2011 Kid Rock tweets, “Partied with Mitt just to get him off my back. I must admit I was pleasantly surprised. Dude's got an awesome look! He promised to hook me up.”

December 29, 2011 Michelle Bachmann denies her campaign has selected Bitch by the Rolling Stones and Witchy Woman by the Eagles as her 2012 theme songs and condemns those responsible for the hoax. In a statement, Ms. Bachmann said “Like the Dude in the Coen brothers hit movie The Big Lebowski, I hate the Eagles.”

January 2, 2012 Newt Gringrich only smiled enigmatically when asked by a reporter if he was the subject of Carly Simons' hit single, You're So Vain.

January 5, 2012 Herman Cain drops out of the Republican presidential race, suspending his suspended campaign,declaring “Lord take me downtown, I'm just lookin' for some tush.”

January 7, 2012 GOP presidential hopeful Dr. Ron Paul, slow to adopt a campaign song, selects Search and Destroy by Iggy and the Stooges from the Raw Power album. Dr. Paul commented “The song perfectly exemplifies my approach to dismantling the Federal government plus James Williamsons' guitar attack is fucking awesome.”

January 12, 2012 In a bold move to reestablish his evangelical credentials, Governor Rick Perry announces he has selected Stairway To Heaven by Led Zeppelin as his 2012 campaign song. In a statement, Perry said, “I uh (long silence), I think (long silence), um, um, you know (uncomfortably long silence), if there's a, you know, bustle, um, in your, in your, your hedgerow, um (very long silence), don't be alarmed now. It's just a, a, a, sprink, sprinkling for the, um, um (interminably long silence) May Queen.”

January 12, 2012 GOP Presidential hopeful John Huntsman selected Spooky Mormon Hell Dreams, from the cast recording of the Broadway hit musical Book of Mormon by the guys from South Park, then announced he is dropping out of the race.

January 15, 2012 Kid Rock premiers his new song and video, Stiff As A Board. In the video Rock and Rom are seen driving around Salt Lake City in a Lincoln MKS sipping Diet Coke and coming to complete stops at intersections.